I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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