You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize