He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
