Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do vagina's smell?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
