You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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