I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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