I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
