I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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