I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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