And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
