she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
