i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
