I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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