In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize