Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
