i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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