Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
