I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Someone shit on the floor
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
