I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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