I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
