Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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