And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
