Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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