thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
