the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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