i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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