it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize