No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
