roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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