why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
