there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
