you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
