I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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