Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
