His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
