her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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