i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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