You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
