Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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