my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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