I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
