I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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