2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
