He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
