Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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