Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
