But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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