So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
