Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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