I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
