Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
