bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
