she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
