Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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