u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
