I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
