I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
