WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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