Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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