i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
