Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
