I just threw up on my dentist
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
