Apparently you make a good broom.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
