First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize