Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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