Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
