So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
