I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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