I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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