At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
