pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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