Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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