Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
