Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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