Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
